WHAT MARRIAGE IS NOT…

This should change your perspectives about love and marriage.

The generally accepted view of marriage is that, “it is the ‘union’ of two people as husband and wife.” (I used the word ‘two people’ here coz there are other types of marriage that do not involve a man and woman).

Emphasis on ‘union‘ because both parties have to come to an agreement to unite. It is not a ‘one-man thing’.

Hence,

• MARRIAGE IS NOT MONOPOLISTIC: monopolistic in the sense that one partner is trying to control the other, especially in an unhealthy way. Marriage should shift your mindset from ‘me’ to ‘us’, not in a way for you to seek total control over your partner. Both parties must come to an agreement in whatever they want to do. Do not think of marriage as the platform to flex your “I am the head or your husband” muscle.

…The only thing that can be monopolized in marriage is, ‘your body’. Let it be for your husband/wife alone. You are not allowed to share your body with another while in a relationship, that’s cheating. Hence, monopolize your body in marriage.

• MARRIAGE IS NOT ‘A FIXER’: If (s)he’s not so caring during the courting period, don’t think (s)he’ll automatically change when you’ve married him/her. Marriage is like the revealer of hidden nature in man coz the more you live with him, the more you know him, the more you see the man you married. A marriage based on genuine and godly love will thrive amidst all because the understanding will be there to guide you.

…A partner who has become habitual in verbally putting you down, hitting you and later saying it was a mistake, intimidating you too much, don’t be fooled by their promise to stop if they aren’t stopping now.

• MARRIAGE IS NOT A FINISHED PRODUCT: Wow, congratulations, you’ve finally married the love of your life. Wow… But the journey doesn’t end there, there’s still more. Years ahead, bridges to cross, life situations to encounter, decision making process, e.t.c. You both, as partners need to come together  as one and journey through it. A happy married life won’t just appear immediately after ‘Yes, I do’, it is you who determines and work towards the happy married life. It is always a journey of forever, a moving process. You have to keep feeding and nurturing it.

Avoid complacency in your marriage as well, as there’s always room for improvement for both parties.

• MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT ON ITS OWN: yes, you read it right. Marriage is truly an important part of life and the society, but it’s not an achievement on its own. The society has placed so much focus on marriage as being the ultimate achievement that many people think of themselves a failure if they are yet to marry at certain age.

Marriage shouldn’t shadow other goals and successes in life coz a successful marriage is dependent on those things too. Find yourself first before you find a partner.

Although, building a successful marriage in a dysfunctional world as this is a great well done.

• MARRIAGE IS NOT, AND SHOULDN’T BE SEEN AS AN ESCAPE ROUTE: I’m getting old, I need to just marry and avoid questions, I need to get out of that house (especially a troubled home).

Sit and breathe, ask yourself, ‘am I really ready to build my own home now?’ Do I have what it takes to be a good partner?

• MARRIAGE IS NOT JUST ABOUT CHILD BEARING: I know seeing pictures of cute babies on the internet can make you scream, “Oh, my ovaries”…. Like… I can also reproduce this beauty too. This has made some marry for looks.

But, beyond giving birth to a cute replica of you, are you ready to take up the mantle of parenting?

Remember, parenting requires that the both of you be there for your child(ren).

• MARRIAGE IS NOT SUSTAINED BY JUST LOVE: Love is not all that is needed in marriage, although it is important, but communication, trust and respect are essential.

• LOVE IS NOT BLIND: Cupid has not been represented to wear a blindfold, but lady justice sure have one tagged to her. Do not ignore the red flags in a relationship all in the name of love, to walk down the aisle with him/her. By the time the red flags come blaring at you, the cupid you wore blindfold for would have removed it, but then, lady justice is already on hers and would serve you as necessary.

Don’t love blindly or marry for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a commitment that should be honored and respected.

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