5 WAYS YOU ‘UNINTENTIONALLY’ HURT YOUR PARTNER

No one would ever want to intentionally hurt the ones they love, right? Agreeable. Cases where this was done intentionally, we could conclude that there is problem somewhere and love has been long lost.

However, it is true of the popular saying that ‘love hurts’, and yes, if you have been genuinely in love, there is a 99.9 percent chance that you, or your lover have experienced the hurt that comes with love, although, the depth of the pain depends on the sensitivity and level of commitment of the receiving person.

This brings me to asking the big question: can love exist without pain?

Well, the truth is, hurt, pain and love are all part of life we can’t but experience, most times, they are intertwined and one can’t exist without the other, I guess we just have to embrace them and learn to regulate our response as we encounter them on our journey.

We all have that moment when we say or do things that unintentionally hurt our partner or dear one. In today’s post, I’ll be sharing with you 5 things you do that may have been hurting your partner, unintentionally.

1. USING YOUR BUSY LIFE AS AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR PARTNER: There’s a quote that says, “don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life”.

This right here hits deep. It makes your partner feel unloved and breaks your relationship, the next thing you would see is that, they would slowly drift away from you until they finally cut you off totally, especially if they’ve tried to call your attention to it but you bluffed them off accusing them of not being understanding.

The truth is, I understand work can get a little and overly busy and it gets in our way of enjoying moments with dear ones, but we should never be too busy for the one we love. We need to learn to strike a balance, between our work life and love life, except of cause, the person is not who your heart beats for or you do not feel the same towards them.

In situations where you both feel the same way for each other, you need to stop using your busy life as an excuse, if you want them to feel loved. Make time out of no time.

2. BEING CONTROLLING OR OVER PROTECTIVE: I would call this a result/ an act of jealousy. The moment you begin to question every of their moves and it begin to seem like there are no boundaries, they don’t even have a breathing space as you are always in their nose, honestly, you’re hurting them and they may not really have the right words to explain this to you so they don’t make you feel bad or sound unloving.

The truth is, everyone tend to appreciate having certain personal boundaries. No matter how much they love you or share with you, you need to learn to respect their personal boundaries. In cases where you’re being let into their personal space, don’t go stomping around.

3. EMOTIONALLY INVALIDATING THEM: Simply put, this is the act of dismissing someone’s feelings. Most times, this is said or done casually and not always so obvious, but the impact on the receiving person is usually felt deep. For example, saying words like, ‘you are overreacting ‘, ‘you take things too personal’, teasing your partner ‘too much’ or volunteering them out without prior notification or asking about their personal schedule. You’re hurting them.

Many at times swallow up this hurt and try not to make too much of it, but when it becomes an habitual act from their partner, it gives them so much concern and eats deep at their heart.

You can imagine having a partner who constantly interrupts you in between conversations not minding either you’re in public or what you have to say, such individual can develop inferiority complex and thus, loose himself or herself.

Hence, you have to watch what you say, how you say, and what you do around the ones you love because emotional invalidation isn’t necessarily verbal.

4. CARRYING EMOTIONAL BAGGAGES FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP: with this, you’re not just going to hurt the one who’s trying to love you at the moment, but you’ll hurt yourself more and deprive yourself of the happy feeling you could have truly experienced with the person.

Carrying the hurt and pain experienced from previous relationships about does two things to you:

• It stops you from being your true self in your new relationship and this holds you back from putting in quality efforts to making the relationship work.

• It makes you a bitter person and keeps you in the defensive mode always because you’re somehow expecting them to hurt you as the other did before, and this is not fair to the new person.

It is best to ensure you’ve healed up from the hurts/ heartbreaks caused by failed relationships, you forgive the person as well as yourself and be ready to take on love again before you embrace a new relationship.

And lastly,

5. KEEPING YOUR LOVED ONE GUESSING/WONDERING: Never date an overthinker if this is you. I know for some, it usually seem a bit difficult to get their thoughts together or put it in words to express to their partner, they could go from, ‘sweetie, I have something to discuss with you, beep me when you see this’, to, ‘oh, it’s nothing serious, I’m over it and that’s that. No further explanation or anything.

It’s even worse when you notice it yourself, that something’s up and then you ask them about it, but they give you the stern, I’m fine, nothing is wrong with me, whereas, the vibe you’re getting from them is screaming SOMETHING’S WRONG!!!

Ouch! That hurts!

So, never you leave the one you love in the dark or leave them wondering what they mean to you, always find ways to express how exactly you feel to them.

In conclusion,

Although, the list as to how we can unintentionally hurt the ones we love is endless, and it varies, depending on personalities or temperaments, but you can take some moments to observe your partner and watch out for their verbal and non-verbal cues which can point out when they’re hurt by your words or actions. And when you do find out, don’t sleep on it, act on it.

Check out my next post on What to do when you unintentionally hurt the one you love.