THE THIN LINE BETWEEN HIGH STANDARDS AND PERFECTIONISM: SELF SABOTAGE

Does any of these sound familiar?

By age 25, I should own a car, have my second degree, if not third, a well paying job that can afford me a 5-star hotel relaxation treat, a good car and a very comfortable apartment then I should probably be planning my marriage by age ….

Yes!

Of course, we all have expectations for ourselves, and nothing is wrong with having expectations or standards for yourself, if anything, but what happens if and when these expectations are not met at your scheduled plan?

Standards are the value and qualities you desire to set for yourself or the set of behaviours you build upon yourself and follow no matter the situation.

There’s a saying by Tony Robbins, that, “If you don’t set baseline standards for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it easy to slip into behaviours and attitudes and quality of life that’s far below what you deserve”

We all have standards, and it is quite interesting that our appearance, relationship, finance or day to day activities in general are usually guided or governed by the expectations we have of ourselves or the standards we hold ourselves to, either consciously or unconsciously.

Setting standards are as important as implementing and staying committed to them as it is very crucial to our decision making process, but setting/living according to incredibly high expectations or unrealistic standards can have detrimental effect on you. It is a sure-fire way to sabotage your own happiness.

There are different kinds of standards we set; some consciously or unconsciously, some you set before you thought about it thoroughly, some standards were put in place by your parents, societal expectations or social media standards.

It is good to have high standards but it is important to be reasonable with yourself. Setting unrealistic standards or expectations for yourself can be damaging to your overall well being and self esteem. It could lead to depression, anxiety or burnout. I’m not saying you should settle for less or mediocrity, I’m only saying you should set reasonable and realistic standards.

Expecting others to be perfect all the time and to do things the way you want them is unrealistic. You can’t control everything/ everyone/ every situation in your life. Some things are just beyond our control and we need to put this into consideration when setting our standards.

For realistic standards, keep your focus on the areas within your control, know your limits, keep a flexible mind because in reality, life can happen so fast without any warning, bringing changes.

It is a great thing to set standards, but it is also important to remember that we’re are all capable of making mistakes and being wrong, so quit the perfectionist mindset, quit being too hard on yourself and learn to embrace or accept the liberating gift in human imperfection.

Society’s unrealistic standards also create an immense sense of pressure among the youths to achieve perfectionism thus deteriorating overall self esteem and creating unhealthy habits. The society expects that by age 25, you should have completed your education and be certified with first degree, but then life happens and by age 25 you’re still struggling to gain admission and then you concluded you’re a failure, low self esteem sets in and boom, you relapsed into depression.

You see, perfectionism is a form of unrealistic standard, feeling you’re not good enough, expecting to be good at everything you do, leaving no room for mistakes, setting goals without considering your abilities, interests, needs, life challenges, not allowing yourself time to relax, rest or have leisure, expecting you’ll always be at your best; all these gets in the way of your success.

Expecting too much from yourself or others can result in real unhappiness and you may miss out on many things that could have given you genuine happiness and achievements.

If you find yourself repeatedly struggling to reach your goal, it’s time to take a closer look at how you might have been self sabotaging.

In conclusion, perhaps you’ve heard this before or not, but I am going to say it again, that, there are so many fucked up stories out there by so many fake it till you make it kind of people that leaves you gaping and yearning for their kind of lifestyle/standard forgetting you have to begin somewhere, one step at a time till you uncover everything.

Do not set standards for yourself based on someone else’s account of his or her life journey.

Create your own reality! Face your own truth and enjoy the process of your making.

Always remember, we’re all fallible. It is one of the beauty of humanity. The earlier you embrace it, the better.

The question now is, how long are you going to hold yourself back from enjoying the beauty of life?